What We Have Learned About Kelcy

So we have spent about 10 days with Kelcy so far and have started to learn some things about her personality.  Did I mention that she just turned 3?  First of all she is a very brave little girl - she said goodbye to her Foster Family last Monday morning and got on a bus with a nannie from the orphanage and then drove for 3 hours to get to Nanning where she met us in a shopping mall pavilion. We can tell that she was well loved and taken care of by her Foster Family - she has a healthy build and her foster mother packed all kinds of snacks for her.  She wears a size 3T and weighs about 30 pounds so she is a little bigger than we thought and were so happy to have access to a stroller.  She did great her first day with us,,,took a nap, ate dinner, took a bath, and went to bed....she even smiled a little.  She is getting more comfortable every day and is able to tell us what she wants and does not want.  She loves her yogurt drinks and instant noodles - much like the ramon noodles that I ate in college.  She also loves pork - anything pork so we are hoping this is a phase because she may not have had a lot of meat in her diet and will try and balance her diet when we get home because living in a hotel makes it difficult to get into a routine.  She loves to take baths and use soaps and she loves hand lotion.  She also likes to brush her teeth and I have been able to get her to do so in the morning and night time - I think that she thinks its fun to spit in the sink.   She also goes down for a nap fairly easily and I hope that that continues when we get home.  She loves to play and laugh and be silly and she will run up and give us hugs.  She loves Conner and will only hold his hand when we are out walking and Conner has been a great big brother and takes her hand when we are out and about. 
She does not like to keep shoes on her feet and will kick them off the minute she sits down anywhere- taxi, restaurant, stroller.  She does not like to wear seat belts in the vans that we are traveling and did not like having to put one on the airplane - so we are worried about how she is going to handle a car seat!  She is also comfortable letting us know when she DOESN'T want to do something or give up something - did I mention that she is 3?   She can scream extremly loud when she is unhappy with something and she has learned how to hit very well.   Our guide mentioned that some toddlers are allowed to have melt downs and tend to hit their parents - we actually saw that ourselves on the streets and saw some similarities in how Kelcy would react to us.  Our guide mentioned that Kelcy may have been spoiled so Tommy and I need to set guidelines when we get home but our guide mentioned that we don't start until we get home,  So many of you will probably see some of this behavior when we first get home so our challenge in the first few months will be to learn how to communicate better with her and also to correct some of that type of behavior but that will come in time.  We feel very blessed to have her in our family and we are all getting settled into a family of four.

Life in Guangzhou

Well it has been quite a busy week in Guangzhou to say the least.  We arrived late Friday night after a two hour plane delay in Nanning where Tommy and I were an international spectacle trying to calm down a tired and hungry toddler while people continued to stare and touch Conner.  Did we mention that Kelcy just turned 3?   So she would like to do things on her own including running up and down the airport corridor and running back through security and really didn't appreciate us telling her that she could not do that :-) We were exhausted when we arrived at the beautiful Garden Hotel - it is very 5 star and not the way we usually travel so we felt a little under dressed when we checked in :-)  I was so glad to see a bed and we finally got Conner and Kelcy to sleep around 12:30am so they were able to get a little sleep before we had to take Kelcy to her medical review the next morning at 8:30am, which went pretty smooth and then she had to have the TB test which she passed :-).

We then did a little shopping and toured the Shamian Island where we grabbed lunch at Lucys which is a restaurant the has an American ambiance and sat by a table that had license plates from Wisconsin and Indiana on the wall.  We also had a chance to let the kids play on a playground and walk through a park with different statues.....I found the island to be very peaceful, yet very active with all kinds of photography shoots from models modeling clothing for catalogs to young brides and grooms getting their pictures taken right before they get married.  We are in the popular month for weddings and couples get their picture taken in the morning and then it is developed in time for their reception so they can post in the lobby where their reception is taking place:

We have spent the week shopping and relaxing a little at the hotel.  Did I mention that it is hot!  I have been breaking out in a sweat the minute we walk outside so I gave up styling my hair on this trip.   We have enjoyed a huge buffet at breakfast and have enjoyed some chinese meals and of course have found every fast food option around our hotel.  Tommy and I are looking forward to having a huge salad when we get home and a drink with ice since we have to avoid most raw vegtables and fruits and for sure ice.  We have enjoyed many meals with the Gallagher and Stevens families that we traveled with and we celebrated our last night with all the families at a Mexican restaurant by our hotel and were so happy to see that Kelcy enjoys chips and salsa just like Conner and I :-)  Per tradition all the families from our adoption agency went to the White Swan hotel and took our pictures on the red couch.  First we just had our new daughters on the couch, our Kelcy and then Gabby and Ana - all so adorable!  Gabby would rather sit with her family though and we determined that Kelcy needs to get used to wearing a dress so we have been putting shorts on under her dress :-)

The White Swan also has a beautiful waterfall in the lobby so we were able to do a group shot at the waterfall

Today we had our consulate appointment and processed the paperwork that will allow Kelcy to be an American citizen when we fly back home.  Tommy and I took an oath and now the entire process is officially complete.  We will get Kelcy's visa tomorrow right before we travel to Hong Kong for our last night in China.  We will fly out of Hong Kong on Friday morning at 9:45am and arrive in Raleigh at 7pm on Friday....but keep in mind that we get to add 12 hours to our day.....so our Friday will be a 36 hour day :-).  Here are some random pictures from our stay in Guangzhou:

  Kelcy was pushing Conner in the water while he floated on his back.  The roof top pool area was beautiful and we hope to enjoy the pool tomorrow before we pack up and check out at 3pm.

   

  

Conner is a Rock Star!

I am so grateful for one of the nurse's at our pediatrician's office who mentioned that Conner would be very popular here in China due to his blond hair and blue eyes.  So we were able to prepare Conner for the attention and he knew that people would consider him to be good luck and want to touch him and have their picture taken with him.  So he has been very gratious and good natured when he gets constant attention from many people....including cute teenage girls :-) We are very proud of how he has handled his popularity and how he has handled the trip in general!  He has been touched by people when walking on the streets - they just reach out and tap him and many people ask for permission to take his picture.  Yesterday, we were all eating lunch at the local zoo and many people took his picture and even ours as we were eating lunch.  I have to say that it gives you a fresh perspective when you are the minority in a culture, which will help us remember how Kelcy will feel when back in the states.  It has been a crazy couple of days so I will post more later but I wanted to share some pictures of Conner being a rock star and also some pictures of our trip to the local zoo in Guangzhou.

Happy Birthday Kelcy!

Yesterday was Kelcy's Birthday, August 25.  We celebrated by going to a park in Nanning that is quite beautiful and has a variety of things for families to do.  It is actually in the heart of the city on a mountain and we spent some time in the stone stature garden and then feeding the koi fish.  Conner and Kelcy loved climbing on the rock sculptures that were of different kinds of animals and then we took a shuttle bus to the lake where we fed the gigantic koi that hung out by the bridge....waiting for kids to feed them.  Here are some pictures from the park:

Today was a great bonding day for Kelcy and Daddy.  Kelcy warmed up to Tommy quite a bit and wanted him to carry her through the park.  We think that our accent on how we (okay me) pronounced the word daddy may have caused some confustion.  In chinese the word for daddy is ba-ba and the word for afraid is pa-pa so we both said pa-pa and pointed at Tommy by accident a couple of times so that could have caused some confusion :-)  So now she really prefers Daddy to Mommy today....but the good news is that she seems comfortable with all of us...she really loves to laugh and sing and chase balls and chase after her brother and be silly. 

We celebrated Kelcy's Birthday at dinner where we ordered long noodles and she really enjoyed our sweet and sour pork :-)  She does love anything pork....her first couple of days with us she ate quite a bit and now she is slowing down...we are hoping that she feels a little safer with us and that we will provide what she needs. We bought a little cake at the local bakery and took that to the restaurant and then sang Happy Birthday in English and Chinese.  I think that she was confused as to why we celebrating - her Chinese Lunar Birthday is July 25 and we think that her Foster family celebrated on that day. 

Today is our last day in Nanning and we are packing up.  Tommy and Conner went to work out and Kelcy is taking a nap...she actually lies down on her own when she is tired and curls up with her stuffed unicorn and blanket that we gave her....she also holds onto whatever toy is her favorite while she sings herself to sleep.  She is comfortable telling us what she likes and doesn't like in true toddler form...which is a good thing because we are able to see more and more of her personality.  She loves putting on hand lotion and brushing her teeth now.  I found out from our guide that most toddlers do not brush their teeth - the parents usually rub the teeth down with cotton wipes...so our pediatric dentist might have a little work to do when we get home.  Conner continues to be a trooper through all this travel.  Tommy and I have not lost a single pound because we have been eating fast food so that Conner gets at least one meal in his system every day.  So far we have had McDonald's, Subway, Burger King, Dominoes Pizza, Pizza Hut and Kentucky Fried Chicken with mashed potatoes.  We have been staying at the Marriott hotel so the breakfast buffett is very international so we have had a great brunch everyday...and Conner is able to eat cereal and Kelcy gets her fill of sausage links.  We are heading to Guangzhou tonight and it will be an hour plane ride for Kelcy - hopefully it will go well and she will be able to get on the 12 hour plane ride scheduled for next Friday.  We are looking forward to seeing the other families that we met in Beijing and their daughters and catching up with everyone.  Guangzhou is where Kelcy will get her medical appointment and will be sworn in at the American Consulate on Wednesday.  I will write more when we get settled in and we really appreciate everyone's comments!  We pray that everyone stays safe in North Carolina with the impending Hurricane heading to the NC Coast and we hope that everyone is okay after the Earthquake.  It is very hard to hear this type of news when we are so far away and all we have is the UK and Asia CNN tv channel.   Take Care everyone!

       

  

Day 3 with Kelcy

Everyone is sleeping so I finally had a chance to update the blog.  It has been a great couple of days with Kelcy so far but I forgot how busy toddlers can be... I wanted to catch everyone up on how things were going.  When we met Kelcy on our first day together it was a whirlwind.  We were suppossed to meet her at 3pm in the afternoon in our hotel room so at 1130am our local guide took us toWal-mart (right down the street) to get some water and snacks for the week.  While we were at WalMart, our guide got a phone call from the orphanage Nannies letting him know that they were at the hotel already and it was only 12:30pm.  So we rushed out of the store and headed towards the hotel and we actually met Kelcy in the pavilian outside our hotel.  Not the best situation because it was super hot, we had grocery bags, and then we needed to walk into the hotel and get up to the 18th floor.  The chaos kind of scared Kelcy and overwhelmed her.  We had deocrated the hotel room with streamers and balloons so that we had a festive room with toys....and this helped to break the ice a little when we got to the room.  The nannies left the room which scared Kelcy again and she did cry for a few minutes....until I pulled out the stickers.  The stickers became her security blanket and she clutched them all day - she did take a nap that afternoon and clutched her stickers the whole time she slept.  So on her first day with us she took a nap, ate a good dinner, let me give her a bath and she slept in the bed and slept for 12 hours.  We feel very fortunate that her first day went well and were wondering how she would do on Tuesday when we needed to handle the adoption paperwork.  Tuesday actually went well agani...she had a great breakfast - she loves breakfast sausages!  She ate about 4 and some other fruits.  We did see her orphanage nannies at the notary office where Tommy and I had to sign some more papers....she did cry again when she left for a few moments but then I pulled out the stickers and that helped her calm down. Today we went to the People's Park which is an amusement/fair type setting where kids can ride various rides...so Conner and Kelcy had a chance to ride together and they both had a great time and then fell asleep on the taxi ride back to the hotel.  We are starting to see more of her personality coming out and she has been singing and giggling and chasing after Conner....we bought her some more bubbles today and she has been blowing them all day.  Today she struggled with Tommy a little.....she didn't want to do have much to do with him so we are trying to find opportunities where they can interact and play more.  She actually came running up to me last night and put her arms up so I picked her up and she gave me a hug.... We feel very blessed and relieved that she feels more comfortable with us.....we continue to pray that she feels more and more secure everyday....I do worry that she has not grieved a lot yet and we know that she may have some difficult days ahead - especially when we need to fly to Guanzhou.  She is a very brave little girl and has been so willing to try new things so we are just thrilled to finally have her in our family (and our arms :-))  Here are some random pictures from the last couple of days...I am sorry if my spelling is off - I tend to type late at night so I hope things make sense.

Family Day!!!

We met Kelcy today and it was quite a day!  She is a beautiful and brave little girl.  Let me introduce our daughter and Conner's little sister with some pictures of the day...

The day did not go as planned but it was a special day and she has done very well.  She cried a little at first but had no problem walking with us, eating lunch and dinner, and taking a nap.  She let me give her a bath and then she played with some stickers, and she  just now fell asleep so I had a few moments to update the blog.  I will write more about the actual day in another post but I wanted to update everyone.  We are so blessed that her first day with us went as well as it did and we hope and pray that she is okay over the next couple of days with us.  More soon ! 

Beijing

We had a full day today and the jet lag is hitting me tonight but I wanted to post a quick update and pictures.  We started our day at a Jade Factory and were able to watch the work of very patient and meticolous workers form a beautiful jade piece from a raw square stone.  The showroom was filled with beautiful pieces and we were able to find a heirloom piece of jade that we will give to Kelcy on a significant event in her life when she is older.  Conner found a jade eagle that caught his eye:

  
We then went to the Great Wall and it is a site to see.  It was actually a nice clear day so we could see the beautiful sites surrounding the wall.  Our guide told us that August was a busy tourist month for Chinese families as they vacation before school starts up so there were a lot of people climbing the stairs and the stairs got narrower and narrower as you went up.  I walked up a little ways and Tommy and Conner climbed even further - in fact Conner almost reached the top of that section and really enjoyed the scenary...but he and Tommy had a long way back down and Conner really felt the intense workout he had a couple of hours later....he was so tired he fell asleep at 6pm and I don't think he will be waking up before 6:00am.



We then enjoyed a nice chinese buffet for lunch at a large touristy place where they also have a Cloisonne factory which is the enamel ware vases that you see in many chinese restaurants in the states.  After lunch we were able to drive around the Olympic park area and see the Bird Nest building famous for the Olympic pre and post ceremonies and also the Water Cube building where Michael Phillips won all his gold medals.  We made one last stop at a Tea House where we learned about the proper way to have tea parties in China and did some tea tasting.  We made it back to the hotel and pretty much fell out of the tour van we were all so tired.  One of the families we are traveling with has their little 4 year old daughter with them and she has been such a trooper today too so it was a fun day of touring.  Our guide was kind enough to order Dominoe's pizza for us so we enjoyed a little taste of home today. 

I will leave you now with a wish for you and the symbol of good fortune, wisdom, and longetivity:

Wow- We Just Traveled Half Way Around The World

After over 20 hours of travel time we made it to our Beijing hotel around 11:30pm on Thursday night.  All in all, it was a good trip and we really can't complain...but I will a little anyway :-)  Our Delta flight from Atlanta to Seattle was great - the 5 hour flight gave us a plane with personal entertainment options for music, movies and TV.  Conner was able to get his Cartoon Network fix to cover the next two weeks allowing Tommy to sleep after pulling an all nighter trying to get everything done before we left.  I had a window seat in the row in front of Tommy and Conner, no one next to me and selected the "Best of Journey" soundtrack that I haven't heard since I traded in my Oldsmobile with that CD still in the car.  The Seattle to Beijing flight was a different story...the 12 hour flight gave us a very old and outdated plane with tv monitors hanging down from the ceiling...did I mention that they ran into some technical issues and couldn't run movies for like 5 hours into the flight.  While they couldn't provide entertainment. they were still able to provide tracking of where we were in the flight path which when you are only 2 hours into a 12 hour flight....is it not real motivating.  Tommy ended up in the seat where the seat in front of him was broken and allowed the seat to recline all the way into his lap.  Conner was a real trooper through this flight - we were all so tired that we ended up sleeping most of the time in between the meal, midnight snack and breakfast events.  The flight attendants were great and made sure that Conner had something more appealing for kids to eat.  Conner definetly earned his Delta Wings on this trip....only 4 more flights to take this trip.

On a positive note, we got to meet the other 2 families from our adoption agency who will be touring with us this weekend before they go meet their daughters.  Our touring guide Charlotte is great and very knowledgable so we are in good hands.  Today we will be taking a van tour to the Great Wall of China which is about 2 hours away from Beijing so we should have some pictures later to share.   It is 6:30am as I write this update and I have been up since 4:00am ...I am ready for the breakfast buffet to open so I can grab a cup of coffee.  Luckily Conner is still sleeping so he will be rested for the Great Wall today.   We will post more pictures after our tour today.

Almost Ready to Go

Okay...since my last couple of posts were more educational and a little heavy, this post is will be a little lighter.  We are leaving early tomorrow morning and finalizing the packing tonight.   I cannot believe how many electronic devises we are taking but if we get bored on our 20 hours of travel, it will not be for lack of trying to stay entertained the whole trip.   Conner celebrated his 9th birthday on August 9 and so happy to finally get his "laptop" where he can play games, watch movies, and study his math?

Tommy has loaded up his Nook with a library's worth of reading and games and other applications.  I have my Ipod and a couple of magazines.  I know that I will be zoning out watching whatever  shows/movies Delta airlines decides to entertain us with. 

But I know that we are prepared for our travels due to the kindness of my colleagues at work who made sure that we had enough Purell, Antiseptic wipes, shoe protectors, face masks in case we run into an epidemic, snacks, air freshners for the hotel rooms, and a little bubbly to celebrate ....:all gifted up in a nice basket :-) 

Tommy's colleagues surprised him with a beautiful cake today and gift card.... the sugar in the cake will be helpful to Tommy so he can get through a long night of finishing up work items, closing up the house for a couple of weeks and making sure that we are all packed and ready to go at 7am when my sister Joy comes to take us to the airport.

We really appreciate al the support and warm wishes from our families, friends, neighbors and colleagues!  It has been wonderful catching up with so many of you. 

Let the journey begin.....

Perspectives

This is a narrative from an adult perspective (fictionally written  but beautifully, raw)  the gives us an idea about what a baby/toddler is going through when leaving their Foster Parents, going  to the Orphanage, leaving with a Social Worker to meet their Adoptive Parents.  Then getting on a long airplane ride and then onto their new home.  

We are not sure if Kelcy will be going to back to the orphanage before she meets us, but this perspective really helped me to empathize with what she might be going through.  We have stared at her picture for the past year and are so excited to meet her but we are not sure what she knows about us so we have to respect and support her grieving because everything in her life will change.  We hope and pray that she works through her grief in a healthy way and that she senses that she will be safe, secure and loved in her new family.

Imagine for a moment?
You have met the person you've dreamed about all your life. He has every quality that you desire in a spouse. You plan for the wedding, enjoying every free moment with your fiancé. You love his touch, his smell, the way he looks into your eyes. For the first time in your life, you understand what is meant by "soul mate," for this person understands you in a way that no one else does. Your heart beats in rhythm with his. Your emotions are intimately tied to his every joy, his every sorrow.

The wedding comes. It is a happy celebration, but the best part is that you are finally the wife of this wonderful man. You fall asleep that night, exhausted from the day's events, but relaxed and joyful in the knowledge that you are next to the person who loves you more than anyone in the world -the person who will be with you for the rest of your life.

The next morning you wake up, nestled in your partner's arms. You open your eyes and immediately look for his face.

But IT'S NOT HIM! You are in the arms of another man. You recoil in horror. Who is this man? Where is your beloved?

You ask questions of the new man, but it quickly becomes apparent that he doesn't understand you. You search every room in the house, calling and calling for your husband. The new guy follows you around, trying to hug you, pat you on the back...even trying to stroke your arm, acting like everything is okay.

But you know that nothing is okay. Your beloved is gone. Where is he? Will he return? When? What has happened to him?

Weeks pass. You cry and cry over the loss of your beloved. Sometimes you ache silently, in shock over what has happened. The new guy tries to comfort you. You appreciate his attempts, but he doesn't speak your language-either verbally or emotionally. He doesn't seem to realize the terrible thing that has happened...that your sweetheart is gone.

You find it difficult to sleep. The new guy tries to comfort you at bedtime with soft words and gentle touches, but you avoid him, preferring to sleep alone, away from him and any intimate words or contact.

Months later, you still ache for your beloved, but gradually you are learning to trust this new guy. He's finally learned that you like your coffee black, not doctored up with cream and sugar. Although you still don't understand his bedtime songs, you like the lilt of his voice and take some comfort in it.

More time passes. One morning, you wake up to find a full suitcase sitting next to the front door. You try to ask him about it, but he just takes you by the hand and leads you to the car. You drive and drive and drive. Nothing is familiar. Where are you? Where is he taking you?

You pull up to a large building. He leads you to an elevator and up to a room filled with people. Many are crying. Some are ecstatic with joy. You are confused. And worried.

The man leads you over to the corner. Another man opens his arms and sweeps you up in an embrace. He rubs your back and kisses your cheeks, obviously thrilled to see you.

You are anything but thrilled to see him. Who in the world is he? Where is your beloved? You reach for the man who brought you, but he just smiles (although he seems to be tearing up, which concerns you), pats you on the back, and puts your hand in the hands of the new guy. The new guy picks up your suitcase and leads you to the door. The familiar face starts openly crying, waving and waving as the elevator doors close on you and the new guy.

The new guy drives you to an airport and you follow him, not knowing what else to do. Sometimes you cry, but then the new guy tries to make you smile, so you grin back, wanting to "get along." You board a plane. The flight is long. You sleep a lot, wanting to mentally escape from the situation.

Hours later, the plane touches down. The new guy is very excited and leads you into the airport where dozens of people are there to greet you. Light bulbs flash as your photo is taken again and again. The new guy takes you to another guy who hugs you. Who is this one? You smile at him. Then you are taken to another man who pats your back and kisses your cheek. Then yet another fellow gives you a big hug and messes your hair.

Finally, someone (which guy is this?) pulls you into his arms with the biggest hug you've ever had. He kisses you all over your cheeks and croons to you in some language you've never heard before.

He leads you to a car and drives you to another location. Everything here looks different. The climate is not what you're used to. The smells are strange. Nothing tastes familiar, except for the black coffee. You wonder if someone told him that you like your coffee black.

You find it nearly impossible to sleep. Sometimes you lie in bed for hours, staring into the blackness, furious with your husband for leaving you, yet aching from the loss. The new guy checks on you. He seems concerned and tries to comfort you with soft words and a mug of warm milk. You turn away, pretending to go to sleep.

People come to the house. You can feel the anxiety start to bubble over as you look into the faces of all the new people. You tightly grasp the new guy's hand. He pulls you closer. People smile and nudge one other, marveling at how quickly you've fallen in love. Strangers reach for you, wanting to be a part of the happiness.

Each time a man hugs you, you wonder if he will be the one to take you away. Just in case, you keep your suitcase packed and ready. Although the man at this house is nice and you're hanging on for dear life, you've learned from experience that men come and go, so you just wait in expectation for the next one to come along.

Each morning, the new guy hands you a cup of coffee and looks at you expectantly. A couple of times the pain and anger for your husband is so great that you lash out, sending hot coffee across the room, causing the new guy to yelp in pain. He just looks at you, bewildered. But most of the time you calmly take the cup. You give him a smile. And wait. And wait. And wait.

--Written by Cynthia Hockman-Chupp, analogy courtesy of Dr. Kali Miller

Suggested Do's and Don'ts in Adoption

I received this list from another friend who has a good friend adopting a child in China this month too.  I wanted to share this list now so we can all learn a bit before we bring Kelcy home in the hopes that it will help everyone understand why Tommy and I might seem "over protective" at first and not out and about as much when we first get home.  Our main goal is to provide a safe and nurturing environment for Kelcy so she can trust us to take care of her and be her forever family:

The following is a list of Do's and Don'ts that has been provided to adoptive parents to help family members and friends understand what to do to be supportive, and what not to do. We hope you find this helpful... 

Do...
1. Trust the parent's instincts. Even a first time parent may notice subtle symptoms that well-meaning family and friends attribute to "normal" behavior.

2. Accept that attachment issues are difficult for anyone outside of the parent to see and understand.

3. Be supportive even if you think everything looks fine to you.

4. Allow the parents to be the center of the child's world. One grandfather, when greeting his grandson, immediately turns him back to his mom and says positive statements about his good mommy.

5. Tell the child every time you see her what a good/loving/safe mommy/daddy she has.

6. As hard as it may be for you, abide by the requests of the parents. Even if the child looks like she really wants to be with Grandma, for example, she needs to have a strong attachment to her parents first. Something as simple as passing the child from one person to another or allowing others, even grandparents, to hold a child who is not "attached" can make the attachment process that much longer and harder. Some parents have had to refrain from seeing certain family members or friends because they did not respect the parents' requests.

7. Accept that parenting children who are at-risk for or who suffer from attachment issues goes against traditional parenting methods and beliefs. Parenting methods that work for many children can be detrimental to a child with attachment issues.

8. Remember that there is often a honeymoon period after the child arrives. Many children do not show signs of grief, distress, or anxiety until months after they come home. If the parents are taking precautions, they are smart and should be commended and supported!
Don't...
1. Assume an child is too young to suffer from emotional issues related to attachment.

2. Underestimate a new mother's instincts that something isn't right.

3. Judge the parent's parenting abilities. What looks like spoiling or coddling may be exactly what the child needs to overcome a serious attachment disorder. Parenting methods that work for many children can be detrimental to a child with attachment issues.

4. Make excuses for the child's behaviors or try to make the parents feel better by calling certain behaviors "normal". For example, many children who suffer from attachment issues may be labeled strong-willed by well-meaning family members. While being strong-willed can be seen as a positive personality trait, this type of behavior in an attachment-impaired child may signify problems.

5. Accuse the parents of being overly sensitive or neurotic. They are in a position to see subtle symptoms as no one else can.

6. Take it personally if asked to step back so the parents can help their child heal and form a healthy and secure attachment. You will be asked not to hold the child. This is not meant to hurt you. It is meant to help prove to the child who her mommy and daddy are. Up until now the child's experience has been that mommies and daddies are replaceable. Allowing people to hold the child before she has accepted her forever mommy and daddy are can be detrimental to the attachment process.

7. Put your own time frames on how long attachment should take. One mother was hurt when she was chastised by a relative who couldn't understand...after all, the child had been home six months. It could take weeks, months, even years. Every child is different.

8. Offer traditional parenting advice. Some well-meaning family members will tell a new mother not to pick the child up every time she cries because it will spoil him. A child who is at-risk or who suffers from attachment issues must be picked up every single time she cries. She needs consistent reinforcement that this mommy/daddy will always take care of her and always keep her safe.

9. Fall into the appearance trap. Some babies/toddlers with attachment issues can put on a great show to those outside of the mother/father. What you see is not always a true picture of the child. Even babies as young as 6-months-old are capable of “putting on a good face” in public.

10. Lose hope. With the right kind of parenting and therapy, a child with attachment issues can learn to trust and have healthy relationships. But it does take a lot of work and a good understanding of what these children need.

We Have Our Travel Authorization!!!

I am so happy to report that we finally have our TA! We received it late yesterday afternoon, exactly one year from the date (August 4) that we locked Kelcy's file.....which meant that no other family could review her information while we were reviewing and deciding to adopt her.
It was a long 5 week wait, especially when the average is really a two week wait.  But...we have it and we are working through the details of travel and will hopefully be able to update everyone on when we are going either later today or Monday at the latest.  We would love to go as early as next week but there is a lot of coordination that needs to be done...so we need to continue to be patient.

Still Waiting....but Kelcy's room is ready!

I cannot believe that we are still waiting for our travel authorization (TA).  But I do feel fortunate to have met some other waiting Mom's online and they have become a great support group.  We are all with the same adoption agency so there is a good chance that we will all get our TA's at the same time and then also have an opportunity to meet while we are in China.


While we waited, we also added the finishing touches to Kelcy's room.  We are keeping it simple so that she is not overwhelmed and overstimulated when she gets home...so we won't put many toys in the room until she becomes more comfortable with her surroundings.

Now all we need is Kelcy to come home :-)