Beijing

We had a full day today and the jet lag is hitting me tonight but I wanted to post a quick update and pictures.  We started our day at a Jade Factory and were able to watch the work of very patient and meticolous workers form a beautiful jade piece from a raw square stone.  The showroom was filled with beautiful pieces and we were able to find a heirloom piece of jade that we will give to Kelcy on a significant event in her life when she is older.  Conner found a jade eagle that caught his eye:

  
We then went to the Great Wall and it is a site to see.  It was actually a nice clear day so we could see the beautiful sites surrounding the wall.  Our guide told us that August was a busy tourist month for Chinese families as they vacation before school starts up so there were a lot of people climbing the stairs and the stairs got narrower and narrower as you went up.  I walked up a little ways and Tommy and Conner climbed even further - in fact Conner almost reached the top of that section and really enjoyed the scenary...but he and Tommy had a long way back down and Conner really felt the intense workout he had a couple of hours later....he was so tired he fell asleep at 6pm and I don't think he will be waking up before 6:00am.



We then enjoyed a nice chinese buffet for lunch at a large touristy place where they also have a Cloisonne factory which is the enamel ware vases that you see in many chinese restaurants in the states.  After lunch we were able to drive around the Olympic park area and see the Bird Nest building famous for the Olympic pre and post ceremonies and also the Water Cube building where Michael Phillips won all his gold medals.  We made one last stop at a Tea House where we learned about the proper way to have tea parties in China and did some tea tasting.  We made it back to the hotel and pretty much fell out of the tour van we were all so tired.  One of the families we are traveling with has their little 4 year old daughter with them and she has been such a trooper today too so it was a fun day of touring.  Our guide was kind enough to order Dominoe's pizza for us so we enjoyed a little taste of home today. 

I will leave you now with a wish for you and the symbol of good fortune, wisdom, and longetivity:

Wow- We Just Traveled Half Way Around The World

After over 20 hours of travel time we made it to our Beijing hotel around 11:30pm on Thursday night.  All in all, it was a good trip and we really can't complain...but I will a little anyway :-)  Our Delta flight from Atlanta to Seattle was great - the 5 hour flight gave us a plane with personal entertainment options for music, movies and TV.  Conner was able to get his Cartoon Network fix to cover the next two weeks allowing Tommy to sleep after pulling an all nighter trying to get everything done before we left.  I had a window seat in the row in front of Tommy and Conner, no one next to me and selected the "Best of Journey" soundtrack that I haven't heard since I traded in my Oldsmobile with that CD still in the car.  The Seattle to Beijing flight was a different story...the 12 hour flight gave us a very old and outdated plane with tv monitors hanging down from the ceiling...did I mention that they ran into some technical issues and couldn't run movies for like 5 hours into the flight.  While they couldn't provide entertainment. they were still able to provide tracking of where we were in the flight path which when you are only 2 hours into a 12 hour flight....is it not real motivating.  Tommy ended up in the seat where the seat in front of him was broken and allowed the seat to recline all the way into his lap.  Conner was a real trooper through this flight - we were all so tired that we ended up sleeping most of the time in between the meal, midnight snack and breakfast events.  The flight attendants were great and made sure that Conner had something more appealing for kids to eat.  Conner definetly earned his Delta Wings on this trip....only 4 more flights to take this trip.

On a positive note, we got to meet the other 2 families from our adoption agency who will be touring with us this weekend before they go meet their daughters.  Our touring guide Charlotte is great and very knowledgable so we are in good hands.  Today we will be taking a van tour to the Great Wall of China which is about 2 hours away from Beijing so we should have some pictures later to share.   It is 6:30am as I write this update and I have been up since 4:00am ...I am ready for the breakfast buffet to open so I can grab a cup of coffee.  Luckily Conner is still sleeping so he will be rested for the Great Wall today.   We will post more pictures after our tour today.

Almost Ready to Go

Okay...since my last couple of posts were more educational and a little heavy, this post is will be a little lighter.  We are leaving early tomorrow morning and finalizing the packing tonight.   I cannot believe how many electronic devises we are taking but if we get bored on our 20 hours of travel, it will not be for lack of trying to stay entertained the whole trip.   Conner celebrated his 9th birthday on August 9 and so happy to finally get his "laptop" where he can play games, watch movies, and study his math?

Tommy has loaded up his Nook with a library's worth of reading and games and other applications.  I have my Ipod and a couple of magazines.  I know that I will be zoning out watching whatever  shows/movies Delta airlines decides to entertain us with. 

But I know that we are prepared for our travels due to the kindness of my colleagues at work who made sure that we had enough Purell, Antiseptic wipes, shoe protectors, face masks in case we run into an epidemic, snacks, air freshners for the hotel rooms, and a little bubbly to celebrate ....:all gifted up in a nice basket :-) 

Tommy's colleagues surprised him with a beautiful cake today and gift card.... the sugar in the cake will be helpful to Tommy so he can get through a long night of finishing up work items, closing up the house for a couple of weeks and making sure that we are all packed and ready to go at 7am when my sister Joy comes to take us to the airport.

We really appreciate al the support and warm wishes from our families, friends, neighbors and colleagues!  It has been wonderful catching up with so many of you. 

Let the journey begin.....

Perspectives

This is a narrative from an adult perspective (fictionally written  but beautifully, raw)  the gives us an idea about what a baby/toddler is going through when leaving their Foster Parents, going  to the Orphanage, leaving with a Social Worker to meet their Adoptive Parents.  Then getting on a long airplane ride and then onto their new home.  

We are not sure if Kelcy will be going to back to the orphanage before she meets us, but this perspective really helped me to empathize with what she might be going through.  We have stared at her picture for the past year and are so excited to meet her but we are not sure what she knows about us so we have to respect and support her grieving because everything in her life will change.  We hope and pray that she works through her grief in a healthy way and that she senses that she will be safe, secure and loved in her new family.

Imagine for a moment?
You have met the person you've dreamed about all your life. He has every quality that you desire in a spouse. You plan for the wedding, enjoying every free moment with your fiancé. You love his touch, his smell, the way he looks into your eyes. For the first time in your life, you understand what is meant by "soul mate," for this person understands you in a way that no one else does. Your heart beats in rhythm with his. Your emotions are intimately tied to his every joy, his every sorrow.

The wedding comes. It is a happy celebration, but the best part is that you are finally the wife of this wonderful man. You fall asleep that night, exhausted from the day's events, but relaxed and joyful in the knowledge that you are next to the person who loves you more than anyone in the world -the person who will be with you for the rest of your life.

The next morning you wake up, nestled in your partner's arms. You open your eyes and immediately look for his face.

But IT'S NOT HIM! You are in the arms of another man. You recoil in horror. Who is this man? Where is your beloved?

You ask questions of the new man, but it quickly becomes apparent that he doesn't understand you. You search every room in the house, calling and calling for your husband. The new guy follows you around, trying to hug you, pat you on the back...even trying to stroke your arm, acting like everything is okay.

But you know that nothing is okay. Your beloved is gone. Where is he? Will he return? When? What has happened to him?

Weeks pass. You cry and cry over the loss of your beloved. Sometimes you ache silently, in shock over what has happened. The new guy tries to comfort you. You appreciate his attempts, but he doesn't speak your language-either verbally or emotionally. He doesn't seem to realize the terrible thing that has happened...that your sweetheart is gone.

You find it difficult to sleep. The new guy tries to comfort you at bedtime with soft words and gentle touches, but you avoid him, preferring to sleep alone, away from him and any intimate words or contact.

Months later, you still ache for your beloved, but gradually you are learning to trust this new guy. He's finally learned that you like your coffee black, not doctored up with cream and sugar. Although you still don't understand his bedtime songs, you like the lilt of his voice and take some comfort in it.

More time passes. One morning, you wake up to find a full suitcase sitting next to the front door. You try to ask him about it, but he just takes you by the hand and leads you to the car. You drive and drive and drive. Nothing is familiar. Where are you? Where is he taking you?

You pull up to a large building. He leads you to an elevator and up to a room filled with people. Many are crying. Some are ecstatic with joy. You are confused. And worried.

The man leads you over to the corner. Another man opens his arms and sweeps you up in an embrace. He rubs your back and kisses your cheeks, obviously thrilled to see you.

You are anything but thrilled to see him. Who in the world is he? Where is your beloved? You reach for the man who brought you, but he just smiles (although he seems to be tearing up, which concerns you), pats you on the back, and puts your hand in the hands of the new guy. The new guy picks up your suitcase and leads you to the door. The familiar face starts openly crying, waving and waving as the elevator doors close on you and the new guy.

The new guy drives you to an airport and you follow him, not knowing what else to do. Sometimes you cry, but then the new guy tries to make you smile, so you grin back, wanting to "get along." You board a plane. The flight is long. You sleep a lot, wanting to mentally escape from the situation.

Hours later, the plane touches down. The new guy is very excited and leads you into the airport where dozens of people are there to greet you. Light bulbs flash as your photo is taken again and again. The new guy takes you to another guy who hugs you. Who is this one? You smile at him. Then you are taken to another man who pats your back and kisses your cheek. Then yet another fellow gives you a big hug and messes your hair.

Finally, someone (which guy is this?) pulls you into his arms with the biggest hug you've ever had. He kisses you all over your cheeks and croons to you in some language you've never heard before.

He leads you to a car and drives you to another location. Everything here looks different. The climate is not what you're used to. The smells are strange. Nothing tastes familiar, except for the black coffee. You wonder if someone told him that you like your coffee black.

You find it nearly impossible to sleep. Sometimes you lie in bed for hours, staring into the blackness, furious with your husband for leaving you, yet aching from the loss. The new guy checks on you. He seems concerned and tries to comfort you with soft words and a mug of warm milk. You turn away, pretending to go to sleep.

People come to the house. You can feel the anxiety start to bubble over as you look into the faces of all the new people. You tightly grasp the new guy's hand. He pulls you closer. People smile and nudge one other, marveling at how quickly you've fallen in love. Strangers reach for you, wanting to be a part of the happiness.

Each time a man hugs you, you wonder if he will be the one to take you away. Just in case, you keep your suitcase packed and ready. Although the man at this house is nice and you're hanging on for dear life, you've learned from experience that men come and go, so you just wait in expectation for the next one to come along.

Each morning, the new guy hands you a cup of coffee and looks at you expectantly. A couple of times the pain and anger for your husband is so great that you lash out, sending hot coffee across the room, causing the new guy to yelp in pain. He just looks at you, bewildered. But most of the time you calmly take the cup. You give him a smile. And wait. And wait. And wait.

--Written by Cynthia Hockman-Chupp, analogy courtesy of Dr. Kali Miller

Suggested Do's and Don'ts in Adoption

I received this list from another friend who has a good friend adopting a child in China this month too.  I wanted to share this list now so we can all learn a bit before we bring Kelcy home in the hopes that it will help everyone understand why Tommy and I might seem "over protective" at first and not out and about as much when we first get home.  Our main goal is to provide a safe and nurturing environment for Kelcy so she can trust us to take care of her and be her forever family:

The following is a list of Do's and Don'ts that has been provided to adoptive parents to help family members and friends understand what to do to be supportive, and what not to do. We hope you find this helpful... 

Do...
1. Trust the parent's instincts. Even a first time parent may notice subtle symptoms that well-meaning family and friends attribute to "normal" behavior.

2. Accept that attachment issues are difficult for anyone outside of the parent to see and understand.

3. Be supportive even if you think everything looks fine to you.

4. Allow the parents to be the center of the child's world. One grandfather, when greeting his grandson, immediately turns him back to his mom and says positive statements about his good mommy.

5. Tell the child every time you see her what a good/loving/safe mommy/daddy she has.

6. As hard as it may be for you, abide by the requests of the parents. Even if the child looks like she really wants to be with Grandma, for example, she needs to have a strong attachment to her parents first. Something as simple as passing the child from one person to another or allowing others, even grandparents, to hold a child who is not "attached" can make the attachment process that much longer and harder. Some parents have had to refrain from seeing certain family members or friends because they did not respect the parents' requests.

7. Accept that parenting children who are at-risk for or who suffer from attachment issues goes against traditional parenting methods and beliefs. Parenting methods that work for many children can be detrimental to a child with attachment issues.

8. Remember that there is often a honeymoon period after the child arrives. Many children do not show signs of grief, distress, or anxiety until months after they come home. If the parents are taking precautions, they are smart and should be commended and supported!
Don't...
1. Assume an child is too young to suffer from emotional issues related to attachment.

2. Underestimate a new mother's instincts that something isn't right.

3. Judge the parent's parenting abilities. What looks like spoiling or coddling may be exactly what the child needs to overcome a serious attachment disorder. Parenting methods that work for many children can be detrimental to a child with attachment issues.

4. Make excuses for the child's behaviors or try to make the parents feel better by calling certain behaviors "normal". For example, many children who suffer from attachment issues may be labeled strong-willed by well-meaning family members. While being strong-willed can be seen as a positive personality trait, this type of behavior in an attachment-impaired child may signify problems.

5. Accuse the parents of being overly sensitive or neurotic. They are in a position to see subtle symptoms as no one else can.

6. Take it personally if asked to step back so the parents can help their child heal and form a healthy and secure attachment. You will be asked not to hold the child. This is not meant to hurt you. It is meant to help prove to the child who her mommy and daddy are. Up until now the child's experience has been that mommies and daddies are replaceable. Allowing people to hold the child before she has accepted her forever mommy and daddy are can be detrimental to the attachment process.

7. Put your own time frames on how long attachment should take. One mother was hurt when she was chastised by a relative who couldn't understand...after all, the child had been home six months. It could take weeks, months, even years. Every child is different.

8. Offer traditional parenting advice. Some well-meaning family members will tell a new mother not to pick the child up every time she cries because it will spoil him. A child who is at-risk or who suffers from attachment issues must be picked up every single time she cries. She needs consistent reinforcement that this mommy/daddy will always take care of her and always keep her safe.

9. Fall into the appearance trap. Some babies/toddlers with attachment issues can put on a great show to those outside of the mother/father. What you see is not always a true picture of the child. Even babies as young as 6-months-old are capable of “putting on a good face” in public.

10. Lose hope. With the right kind of parenting and therapy, a child with attachment issues can learn to trust and have healthy relationships. But it does take a lot of work and a good understanding of what these children need.

We Have Our Travel Authorization!!!

I am so happy to report that we finally have our TA! We received it late yesterday afternoon, exactly one year from the date (August 4) that we locked Kelcy's file.....which meant that no other family could review her information while we were reviewing and deciding to adopt her.
It was a long 5 week wait, especially when the average is really a two week wait.  But...we have it and we are working through the details of travel and will hopefully be able to update everyone on when we are going either later today or Monday at the latest.  We would love to go as early as next week but there is a lot of coordination that needs to be done...so we need to continue to be patient.

Still Waiting....but Kelcy's room is ready!

I cannot believe that we are still waiting for our travel authorization (TA).  But I do feel fortunate to have met some other waiting Mom's online and they have become a great support group.  We are all with the same adoption agency so there is a good chance that we will all get our TA's at the same time and then also have an opportunity to meet while we are in China.


While we waited, we also added the finishing touches to Kelcy's room.  We are keeping it simple so that she is not overwhelmed and overstimulated when she gets home...so we won't put many toys in the room until she becomes more comfortable with her surroundings.

Now all we need is Kelcy to come home :-)